You have assigned me my portion

It's been awhile since I posted and I just realized, my last post was just a few days before I started back at work part-time. Hmmm...maybe there's a link there. :-) But truthfully, figuring out this whole working mom thing has been tough for me - I can't really say tougher than I expected b/c I knew it wouldn't be easy but it's one of those things you can't prepare for until you're in it I guess. Thankfully I'm doing 20 hours instead of full time, but those 20 hours take a lot more work than I would have thought! Between getting up earlier to get me and Caleb ready, packing the diaper bag, dropping off at Grandma's, pumping at work, trying to figure out nap schedules at 3 different houses, trying to do my job in a lot less time, and just generally being tired, life has felt pretty hectic the last few weeks!

And I'm going to be honest, because I feel convicted to keep it real here - I've been pretty ticked about it. My heart's desire is to stay at home - I always pictured myself home with my kids, doing mom things, whatever those are. :-) I'll do okay for a few days (usually Wed evenings-Saturday) but then Sunday afternoon rolls around and I realize it's time to do it again -the Mon, Tues, Wed craziness is about to start and I feel like it just ended from last week. I've confessed and prayed, confessed to Jason my frustration, asked my friends to pray for me, confessed again, and then when I think I've accepted this season and I'm content, I find myself losing it internally (and maybe a couple times externally) and have to confess again. :-)

But one morning recently when I was driving to work - rushing b/c it doesn't matter how early I get up - I'm still behind - and feeling frustrated that I was going to miss a whole day with my baby again, the Lord brought this verse to my mind.

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;Surely I have a delightful inheritance."

Psalm 16:5-6

So I realize that when I'm angry about my current situation, I'm really angry at the portion the LORD has assigned to me. And the truth is, my portion is pretty good. It's easy to focus on the one thing we want that we don't have and miss all the things the Lord has blessed us with. So, I decided I would take a little stock here of my portion - and the pleasant places my boundary lines have fallen.

• I have Christ - above all, this is the biggest miracle, and I should never forget that
• I have an amazing husband who loves Christ, me and our baby
• I have a baby! And he's healthy and happy and beautiful - What an answer to my prayers! I should never forget that!
• I have a job - one that is flexible so if I'm running a few minutes late I don't have to worry; one where people love me and are supportive; one where I can make enough money to be worth the trip
• Our moms are watching Caleb - for FREE! What a blessing - he gets to be with his grandmas and we are able to use all the money I make to go toward our budget (though it's mainly for health insurance, ugh) Thanks mom and Kathy!
• We have a safe home in a safe neighborhood - on days when I'm home alone I'm not afraid to go for walks, leave the blinds open, talk to neighbors.
• We have a church family that's awesome - we can hear the truth, be encouraged by friends, and feel like we have a place we belong.
• We have amazing friends who live nearby - I can meet up with girlfriends and their kids at storytime on Fridays, I can meet up for walks or coffee and just encourage and be encouraged.
• We have internet and phones and cameras so we can keep up with people far away, share pictures, and still be a part of each others' lives.

And I'm sure there are a million other things. But my portion is pretty good. When Satan tempts me to look at everyone else's portion and think they have it better, or look at my own and only see what's missing, I have to say, "No! The LORD has assigned me my portion!" And everything He does is good and glorious.